Lonely mother says she stopped sharing updates with old friends who never asked

11 October 2025

In a candid TikTok video that struck a chord with many, a mother named Nicola revealed a deeply personal truth about how motherhood reshapes friendships: after she had her first child, she stopped sending photos and updates to old friends who never asked. She explained that it wasn’t a decision she made lightly, but one born out of feeling unseen and unvalued by the people she once considered close.

Nicola said that in the months following her daughter’s birth, she noticed a shift. She reflected that “nobody checked in on me and my kids after I had my first daughter,” and the friendships she once invested in gradually faded. Rather than continuing to send updates into silence, she chose to let the silence speak for itself: if people didn’t ask or reach out, she assumed they didn’t care enough.

“I’m obviously obsessed with my kids and my family,” she acknowledged, “but just because I want to send updates doesn’t mean other people are interested.” Her stance: when someone stops extending care or inquiry, perhaps they no longer deserve access to your life’s details. She paused the flow of images, stories, and snapshots a kind of emotional boundary drawn in digital form.

The post resonated widely among parents facing similar emotional recalibrations. In comments, many mothers echoed Nicola’s sentiment: that motherhood reveals who will show up and who won’t, and that the burden of maintaining connection often falls disproportionately on mothers. Some said they had had the same experience friendships thinning without confrontation, fadeouts masked as busy lives.

At the same time, other voices pushed back. Some listeners reminded that friendship is a two-way path: needing effort on both sides, especially when life stages diverge. One commenter said it’s unfair to expect non-parents to fully intuit parenthood’s demands, and that relationships require ongoing engagement even when one party is exhausted or distracted. Others urged nuance: relationships evolve, and sometimes distance doesn’t mean dismissal.

Nicola’s reflection touches on a broader cultural tension: how relationships survive or don’t when the terrain of your daily life changes drastically. Motherhood brings less free time, emotional bandwidth stretched thin, and a magnified need for support. Yet at the same time, those very changes can alienate friends who feel unable to cross between worlds.

For Nicola, the choice to withhold updates was as much about energy as it was about dignity. It signaled that she would no longer do emotional labor unreciprocated. It invited perspective: who cares enough to remain curious, to ask, to stay in touch across life’s shifts.

The story is not just about loss; it’s about discovering what relationships are built to endure transition. It asks: what is friendship when life remakes you, and who remains when the spotlight on self recedes into the glow of parenthood?